Five Things I Most Often Say to My Therapy Clients

I've been working in the mental health field now since 2013. I've finally hit my 10 year mark! "Am I bonafide yet?" I ask my imposter syndrome. Over the last ten years, I've hit some gems that seem to resonate with almost everyone. I find myself repeating these things to clients over and over again- sometimes to the same client! If you've worked with me before, these have probably come up in our sessions. I think there's a reason these things get repeated-- because they are important things we all need to pay attention to. 

So, here's my top 5 things I most often say to my clients: 

1. Breathe

When in doubt, breathe. The more we can tune into our bodies and our breath, the more regulated we become. Our breath is the fastest, most accessible, easiest way to get into our bodies and still our nervous systems. We take breath work for granted so often, but it is such a beautiful skill to learn and practice. 

2. Where do you feel that in your body? 

I've been touting for a while now about the physical nature of trauma and mental health. We've done a poor job for decades in the mental health field in the ways we've neglected the body in the treatment of trauma and mental health. The reality is, these concerns are just as much physical as they are emotional and mental. We feel our emotions physically. Our nervous system is activated by trauma. In order to fully, comprehensively heal, we must pay attention to the way our bodies process what we're bringing into therapy. I ask clients to scan their bodies, noticing sensations, visualizing sensations and breathing through the discomfort of body based awareness. 

3. How can you create space for those uncomfortable emotions?

So often we want to avoid uncomfortable emotions. Understandably so! They are sometimes very painful. But the more we avoid and stuff, the more we are susceptible to chronic issues of dysregulation and unprocessed pain. Healing requires us to create a safe space for us to feel the feelings--not to make them go away. To breathe through the discomfort of the emotion, and reorient to the safety of the here and now. I often teach clients how to compartmentalize--that is, how to effectively "avoid" uncomfortable emotions at inconvenient times like working or sleeping, and then to intentionally create a safe and comfortable space where feeling the emotions is conducive to healing.  

4. What has you feeling resistant right now? 

As a therapist, resistance is something that perks up my ears and tells me that we're hitting on something very sensitive. I always do my best to honor my clients' readiness to dig into deep topics, but asking the question "what has you feeling resistant right now?" opens up the opportunity to explore the discomfort and distorted beliefs surrounding the issue. 

5.You are worthy all on your own, just by being a human being. 

This is an important reminder for all of us. We often feel like we need to do things to earn our worth. We feel we must be productive, contribute in some way, or be more that what we have capacity for. I'm all for self-development and growth, but please remember that you don't have to do a single thing to be worthy. You are worthy as you are. Worth is not something we earn. It is something that is inherent.